PRELUDE

This isn't a regular story. This is a daily journal of my Chastity experience with Mistress Emma.

How we got to this point will be part of another story. It started with a very small and seemingly innocent deal, and being locked into chastity for 1 or 2 weeks. But along the way, it escalated into this behemoth of an experience, with an extremely dire consequence for me.

Mistress Emma and I wanted everyone to have a full, raw, pure & detailed account of the entire experience.

She ordered me to keep a journal every day.  So all slaves who might be scared to take the plunge could read first-hand about what it could be like.  At least, that was the initial goal.  I don't know if the end result will convince anyone to actually try it, though. Probably quite the opposite.

But for that reason, I didn't polish or edit the writing. Or tried to make it into a story. You will be able to read my unfiltered thoughts, as they are being written. To give you the most honest account possible. Of both the incredible highs and the darkest lows. And trust me, both were there.

Sometimes I write about earlier during the day or the day before (you'll notice it by the past tense), and sometimes I'm writing it the moment it's happening.

Now, I can safely say that this experience will be different for everyone.  Mistress Emma told me about 2 completely different experiences from Her other slaves and how far apart they were.

When She told me about them, I wondered which of those 2 cases I would end up like.  In the end, my journey turned out to be completely different. As you'll read in the journal, my mind gets more & more depraved the hornier I get. And it has the tendency to get me into even deeper trouble than I already am. Continuously making it worse for me. And relishing the excitement of it. And the end result is far beyond my wildest imagination or anything I ever dreamed of. I went sooo fucking far down the rabbit hole, it's hard to believe it myself.

Now I will stop this introduction, and we'll go straight to the journal, as anything before that is much less exciting anyway. If the first few days feel slow, trust me, it picks up around day 5…

DAY 1

Today was the locking session with Mistress Emma.

She had contemplated milking me dry before locking me up, but then decided against it. It would be "too predictable, She said.  So instead, She locked me up immediately at the start of the session, and proceeded to tease me relentlessly for 3 hours, without giving me an orgasm or release. She thought that was a wonderful start to our chastity experience…  Fucking Hell.

I'm not going to give you all the details of the session, as She really went out of Her way to tease me and make my head explode.

I will tell you that the locking-up part was quite amusing, as she wanted to use "one-time use numbered locks" to avoid cheating, but the cage we were using did not really accommodate that.  So we "MacGyvered" a way, and in the end, it worked.

The teasing was so incredibly hot. Rubbing my balls, moaning in my ear and "jerking me off" while She made me watch. Of course, the jerking off was an incredibly cruel form of denial, since She was basically jerking off my cage and I couldn't feel a thing…

Mistress Emma made my head explode so badly that I started blurting out VERY BAD IDEAS.

I started talking about how someday I hope my Goddess locks me up for months at a time. That when She locks me up, I'm only allowed to unlock again when I visit after Her next vacation.  And that when I visit Mistress Emma, She can decide to start all over again with that if She wants to.  I also said that it would be so hot if, at one point, Mistress Emma would allow me 10 min of freedom where I could try to cum, but I had to use "numbing cream" while masturbating. And if I didn't get to an orgasm within those 10 minutes with the numbing cream, I would have to lock myself up again.

She was loving everything I was saying. And I knew I was fucking myself over big time. Because Mistress Emma WILL remember that. And she WILL use it against me.

Then after a while, our time was up. And Mistress Emma sent me home, locked in my cage, all aroused.

She said I would need to stay locked up for 2 weeks. At least, we were going to start with that. Mistress Emma wasn't sure yet if She would let me unlock after that, but at least we'd re-evaluate at that point.

Now, you have to know that from the moment I discovered masturbation during puberty, I never ever went more than 3 days without an orgasm.  And usually I masturbate 2-3 times per day.  So 2 weeks locked up without orgasm is a hell of a long time for me. And I don't know what that will do for me.

Also, for every mistake I made, 20 hits with the Emma paddle would be added to my count. To be received in our next session. And I would receive unexpected check-ups, where I had to show proof to Mistress Emma that I was still locked up with the same numbered lock. To prevent any cheating.

There was one exception I received, and that was 2 days of freedom during a city trip with my family. As it was my first time wearing a chastity cage for a longer period of time, and on the city trip we would be doing a lot of walking.  And I didn't know what it would give. And I also didn't want any embarrassing trouble with my family around…  I had to make a solemn vow that I would not play with myself or cum during my 2 days of freedom.  Luckily, it was quite at the beginning of the lockup, so I feel I will be able to honour that promise without cheating.  And of course, I promised to spend those 2 days in chastity afterwards, making it 2 weeks & 2 days for the full duration.

When I got home, I was so excited. I was finally locked in chastity.

DAY 2

I woke up to a message from my Mistress asking for proof that everything was still in place.

Of course, I immediately sent a picture.

Mistress Emma was already having Her fun. Teasing me that there would just be a couple of 100 more mornings like this, and I would be free of the challenge. Or even 1000.  She was messing with me and was loving it.

This is the moment when She ordered me to keep the journal.

Mistress Emma also realized how stupid I get when I get horny. As proved by my bad ideas during the locking session.

My Goddess loved it so much that She promised me She was going to take full advantage of my horniness and stupidity during the journey. And trigger my weaknesses as much as possible.

And the more I entertain Her, the longer She will want to keep me in chastity.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Realization was starting to sink in. I was confused. I was so excited, but I also started to realize that Mistress Emma would probably not let me out after 2 weeks. And that I was in it for a lot longer…  My head got scared of that. But my body betrayed me.  My cock was pressing against the cage to get hard like crazy.

I was often aroused during the day. I leaked a lot as well.

So excitement & arousal are still obviously beating desperation.

I was fantasizing today about how hot it would be if Mistress Emma kept me locked up for longer than 2 weeks.  I have to say I kind of hope She does…  It would be so mean. And so hot at the same time.

I asked Mistress Emma to be able to switch from the numbered lock to the regular lock:

• The macgyvered numbered lock wasn't that secure. I could feel it slipping, and my cock almost slipped out once.
• I realized that I will need to clean the cage regularly. The cage itself is actually a bit too large for me, so when I'm leaking, it's building up inside the cage. And it didn't look hygienic if I couldn't clean it every couple of days.

So we devised a way of putting the key in an envelope. I had to make a drawing on the envelope + I put 2 small holes in the envelope and put the numbered lock through it and locked it.  Those numbered locks are one-time use. And every time I would clean, I needed to film myself taking the key out of the envelope with the same numbered lock. So if you try to cheat, Mistress Emma would know immediately.

So I tried to do that and video everything, even the cleaning. To prove I didn't cheat.  But somehow I fucked up.  I tried to hurry to prove I'm not trying to stall for time, but because of that, I pressed the wrong button, and the video didn't get saved.  I had that happen in the middle of the process, so I made a video of the rest. But not everything was on it. So, Mistress Emma couldn't be sure I didn't cheat.  I was panicking. How could I fuck this up?   I felt so bad.  I hoped Mistress Emma wouldn't be mad and that She would believe me. It was an honest mistake.

I sent the remaining video to Mistress Emma and explained it to her.  Luckily, Mistress Emma believed me. But nevertheless, I fucked up. So She decided to apply the punishment and note down that next time She sees me, I will get 20 hits with the Emma paddle.   Again, Mistress Emma wasn't mad. She actually found it funny. Mistress Emma said I was the worst photographer ever while laughing Her ass off. But the Mistress couldn't leave it without consequence. Or otherwise, I might try to do things like that more & more and get careless. Or even try to use it to bend the rules when the desperation gets higher.

I could follow Mistress Emma's reasoning completely, so I gladly accepted the punishment. As long as Mistress Emma believed me, everything was fine. Because I really did just make an honest mistake, because I was trying to hurry & prove I wasn't cheating…

End of day count:

• 20 hits with the Emma paddle
• 2 days in, 15 days to go

DAY 3

Day 3 started quite eventful... in fact, when I woke up during the night, I noticed that the cage was a bit loose. So I checked with the flashlight on my phone, and I saw that the lock had fallen out!!! The cage was loose!!!

I panicked. I didn't want to cheat and couldn't understand how this happened. I immediately took pictures of it and thought about what I could do. So I went to my living room and immediately took one of the numbered locks again to close the cage. So in the end, the cage never left my body.

Yet for a few minutes there, I actually had freedom....

I was so scared to let Mistress Emma know, as I never intended this to happen, and it was out of my control. But it was also just after the fuckup I did the day before 🙄

So I  texted Mistress Emma in the middle of the night, with the pictures and explaining everything.

In the morning, when I woke up, I received a message from Mistress Emma that She had carefully evaluated the situation. And Mistress Emma understood it was out of my control, but still thought that there should be a consequence. No hits would be added to my count, though, as it was out of my control. But there would be one extra day of lockup.

When first reading Her message, I felt a little indignant. I felt like I was being unfairly punished for something out of my control. It's not that I minded the content of the punishment. Getting locked up longer could happen at any time anyway, and I appreciated that Mistress Emma didn't add any extra hits to my count.

It was just the principle I was having trouble with. It felt unfair. Because I tried so hard to get the chastity play going (buying my own cage, visiting Mistress Emma quite ad hoc for the chastity lockup, ...), and then something out of my control happened, and I was being punished.

So I tried to ask Mistress Emma politely for her reasoning. Not to undo the punishment, but to understand it. Otherwise, I would keep struggling with it in my head.

Mistress Emma understood and explained it to me. It was simple. I was free. She knew it was out of my control, but nevertheless, I had been free for a moment. And She wanted to be compensated for that.

I could understand and accept that. It wasn't a punishment for anything I did. Or a lack of appreciation for my effort. It was just a dry factual consequence of being free for a moment.

So I thanked Mistress Emma for the explanation. Now I could accept that. And I really appreciated that Mistress Emma explained Her reasoning.

To show my goodwill, and for some practical reasons, I proposed to keep myself locked up for a few days longer still. I would be on a weekend with friends, and otherwise I would have to take it off in the middle of that weekend. So it would be difficult to have a private moment with mistress Emma while finally unlocking.

Of course, Mistress Emma agreed... so the result was that already on my 3rd day of chastity, my lockup period changed from 2 weeks & 2 days to 3 full weeks...  and we had only just begun.

To be honest, I found it extremely exciting and hot.

____________________________________________

The horniness is starting to rise immensely this day. Yesterday I was a bit horny, but today it's starting to take over for real. I had a hard time concentrating on work. All I could think of was how horny I was and how much I would love to be able to play with myself.

But Mistress Emma rigorously followed up on my chastity. With multiple unexpected requests for proof, I had to send a picture as proof within 10 minutes. Ensuring I remained firmly locked. And the punishment for cheating would be severe.

This aroused me even more. Mistress Emma's strict enforcement. My main fetish is giving up control. During a BDSM session, that usually means bondage. But that only lasts for a couple of hours.  This is a whole other level of giving up control. It lasts weeks. It's more psychological. It's still rigorously enforced. And there is no release of the horniness. So it just continues to build. Which makes the fetish even more "active", which in turn increases my horniness even more because the fetish is constantly being triggered.  It's like an endless and ever-increasing horniness spiral.

And we're only DAY 3! It triggers me so hard to think of how desperate I will be in even 1 week. Let alone 2...

How did I ever think this was something I could endure for months? Yet I know Mistress Emma will not let me weasel my way out of that idea. After all, I'm the one who blurted it out myself. So I'm sure that one day, Mistress Emma will make sure I'm locked up for months at a time. And I will go crazy.

I'm so fucked. 😅

___________________________________________

I can't even imagine how big my load will be once I actually get to cum again....

I hope Mistress Emma forces me to eat it... I really do.

Because I'm sure I will have a crazy moment of post-nut clarity after that kind of buildup. And will not want to eat it anymore.  But having Mistress Emma force me, as a condition of giving me my freedom back, it's so hot to just think about it.

I'm starting to spiral. I need to stop thinking about these things 🙈

I'm going to try to focus on work now. No idea how I will manage that, but I have to try. Or I will drive myself crazy in that endless loop.

___________________________________________________

It's not working. I'm going to take a cold shower and see if that helps to cool me off. Luckily i'm working from home today.

___________________________________________________

OK, that worked. Well for 5 minutes at least.

I'm going to apply a nicotine patch. I've smoked 20 cigarettes already today to try and take my mind off the horniness. That's just too much. And yes, we're only 1pm on day 3...

It's kind of ridiculous, actually. I already went without orgasm for 3 days before. So it's not that.

But that was always during busy times when my mind was on something else.

This is different. My main fetish is CONSTANTLY being triggered. That's what makes it so difficult.

I didn't expect it to be this all-consuming.

I hope I get used to it and it will become less pronounced. Otherwise I don't know how I will handle the coming 2.5 weeks…

____________________________________________________

I can physically feel the constant triggering and arousal in my stomach. It's hard to explain.

Like, I'm constantly on edge.

It's not even the sensation of the orgasm I'm craving. (well, ok, maybe a little bit)

But it's that my mind keeps going haywire without a moment's rest, that makes it so hard.

I can't get any rest. There is no peace.

______________________________________________________

I sent a message to Mistress Emma, describing how intense my day had been. About the spiraling, etc.

I hoped She would offer some reassuring words, telling me there would be easier days as well.

It was an idle hope.

Mistress Emma just replied:

"Nope. It will gradually get stronger, more intense, and severe. Enjoy!"

A little later, Mistress Emma sent me a voice message:

"I know very well that you were fishing for reassurances that you're going to be fine. And I also know very well how the mind works. You can prepare it, and you can help it get through different things. However, my part of this challenge is not necessarily to make your life easier. Of course, if that was the goal, I could have just told you 'yeah you know what, ditch the cage and just enjoy your freedom.' So no, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be as twisted as I want...enjoy."

Fuck.

I'm exhausted and scared.

This is going to be rough.  It's going to be the most intense experience and the worst torture that Mistress Emma has ever put me through.

_______________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma noticed I was struggling and let the Angel come out for a brief minute.

She sent me a caring and empathic voice note.

Not about releasing me. Not at all.  And that's also not what I wanted to achieve or anything.

But just hearing Mistress Emma's caring voice, telling me She understands that it's intense. And that everything will be fine in the end. That this is not forever. (It might be for a good long while still… But not forever.)

Somehow, it made it all better. Easier to bear. It helps me to push through.

My mind is a little more at peace now and I can relax.

Thank you so much for that voice note, Mistress. I really really needed that.

End of day count:

• 20 hits with the Emma paddle
• 3 days in, 19 days to go

DAY 4

I feel stronger this morning. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm even hornier than yesterday. This morning, my morning wood was straining against the cage, which caused the ring to put quite an uncomfortable, even painful, pull on my balls.

And while at the start of this journey, this caused me to soften up again, by now my cock seems to think it's a challenge and just keeps trying to break out of the cage.  It's useless, of course, but the painful pull on my balls is triggering me by now as well…  I even dreamt I was Mistress Emma's live-in slave while being in chastity for her… That image did not help with the morning wood…

BUT, I found some moments of peace for my head yesterday evening.

And I have a plan for today.

The most difficult thing is not the craving for an orgasm itself (for now…)

It's stopping my head from spiraling and not finding a moment's peace.

But I recognize the feeling from my past. I used to struggle with some mental health issues. One of the symptoms back then was also the spiraling. And I developed some coping mechanisms for it back then.

I'm talking about meditation, breathing exercises, …

So I'm going to try to apply those mechanisms here as well. And hope I can keep the sex-craved mind at bay.

At least for a while.  I know it will not work all the time. The craving and spiraling will only get worse.  So I will have to let it run its course every now & then.

But at the very least, I want to keep it at bay during the day. So I can get some work done. I cannot afford to do nothing for work for 3 weeks in a row. That's just not an option. So I'm going to have to try to postpone the cravings until the evenings somehow.

Who knows, if this works for the full 3 weeks, I think I could actually consider myself a Zen Master.

Though I'm not so naive as to think it will be smooth sailing. As of tomorrow, we'll be in uncharted territory. I've never been 5 days without an orgasm. And it's still only the start. I still have 18 days left until my re-evaluation. And it's only a re-evaluation, not a certainty of freedom. The way it's going, Mistress Emma might even prolong that… She's having way too much fun with it.

But I'll take it day by day. I have no other choice. Let's see how powerful the sex-crazed beast inside me will get. And whether the Zen Master will be able to control it.

____________________________________________________________

The guided meditation videos seem to be working. At least partly.

I have to do it regularly, though, but at least it helps me calm down and focus for short periods of time. So I can get some work done.

After a while, though, all my depraved and dirty fantasies start rearing their heads again because of the horniness.

They're the kind of fantasies that I'm always too scared to do. Because I jerk off so much normally, the horniness usually doesn't beat the fear or disgust to actually realize them. In fact, now that I'm writing this, I might be jerking off so much just because I'm too scared of them and to make sure the horniness doesn't outgrow the fear. Because I'm scared of how much shame I would feel afterwards.

I mentioned 2 of them in my journal yesterday, but to be honest, it's only the tip of the iceberg.

In essence, I'm actually not looking forward to the content of the fantasies themselves. They are actually all just variations of my main fetish. Losing control, having no escape, and undergoing things that I would never like normally, but having no choice but to endure it because there is no way out. That's ALWAYS the fantasy. It's the same again with this chastity journey. Giving up control of my orgasms, ruthlessly enforced, and having to endure it with no way out. It's just the content of what I have to endure that differs in those depraved fantasies from the things I regularly do with Mistress Emma.

I'm fairly certain you will find more of them written down in this journal as the journey continues.

And I wonder if the horniness of being locked up for so long might one day actually beat the fear of realizing them.

Some of them might conflict with being denied an orgasm and being locked up. But some of them actually don't...

So there is a secret hope (and fear) growing inside of me that when Mistress Emma reads my journal and gets to see the depraved fantasies that live inside my head, She will use my horniness against me and will push/force me to realize them. It might just be the only way to actually have my horniness outgrow my fear and have me experience them for real. Like, for example, making the realization of a fantasy a prerequisite for gaining my freedom back. That actually would be quite amazing and scary at the same time. It would be a new way for Mistress Emma to push my limits.

Most of those fantasies are not things that Mistress Emma provides herself, though I believe. As they move more towards the dirty and perverse side of BDSM, and not the hard physical side. In fact, Mistress Emma doesn't know about them yet. Not because I wanted to keep it a secret from Her. But because She wouldn't provide them anyway. And I didn't want to disrespect Her by bringing things up that She doesn't provide. And maybe also a little bit because I might be ashamed of the fantasies...

So I don't know what Mistress Emma will think of them. Of what She would think about helping me realize them. Maybe She will just be disgusted with me for having them. Chances are actually quite realistic for that last one.

In any case, Mistress Emma will get to know me like no one else because of this journey. As there is not a single person on this planet who knows that I have those fantasies. That thought alone warms my heart. That there will be someone who sees and knows me fully. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the depraved. I just hope Mistress Emma accepts me when I'm laid bare and She sees it all.

________________________________________________________

Today was a much better day than yesterday. The meditation worked and allowed me to achieve a minimum of productivity for work. Not as much as a regular day, but enough at least.

I'm taking that as a win.  (I learned during my mental health struggles that small wins matter, so I'll enjoy this one)

The horniness didn't disappear, however. It was just banished to the evening.

And it's hitting me like a storm.

I'm also making it worse for myself… I'm actually watching porn, which doesn't help.  But it's the price I pay for a minimum of productivity during the day.  I at least need to let the cravings out during the evening then.

And instead of trying to fight it, I'm going all-in and enjoying the ride for now. (until my next mental breakdown)

End of day count:

• 20 hits with the Emma paddle
• 4 days in, 18 days to go

DAY 5

We're in uncharted territory now.  And it's also the day I started digging my own grave.

My morning wood (or at least my cock's attempt at morning wood) wasn't going away. It kept trying for 30min... and my cock straining against the cage was actually STIMULATING ME. Up to a point where I feel it might be possible in the future to cum spontaneously from that. That's how good it felt, and that's how horny I am. Just my cock pressing against the cage felt like stroking.

My balls hurt, though. Massive blue balls from all the gooning yesterday evening and the denial of release.

And I'm getting so fucking stupid.

I even messaged Mistress Emma not to forget the things I blurted out during the lockup session. About keeping me locked up during Her entire holiday period somewhere in the future. And the numbing cream idea. I'm actually going to order that last one already. So Mistress Emma has it as an option to fuck with my head.

I'm so fucking dumb right now.

_________________________________________________________

I'm working from home and had this sudden urge and idea to go and hump my pillow while I'm in my cage. The stimulation of trying to get hard in my cage is stuck in my head, so I wanted to see what it would give.

I should not have done that. This will make the journey 100x times harder.

Humping my pillow in my cage felt sooooooo fucking gooooood. It feels better than sex at this point. I felt like a sex-crazed monkey, humping away at my pillow.

I started leaking so much fucking precum. My pillow is covered with it by now. I will not wash it. I will sleep in it like that. And every night I will hump my pillow so it's covered in fresh precum. And then sleep on it. No washing my pillow cover until I'm unlocked.

The problem is.... I had to stop. I could feel an orgasm building, just from humping my pillow through the cage… And of course, that would be a betrayal towards Mistress Emma.  So I managed to stop myself. I don't know if I will be able to, though, when we reach day 10 or 15 or ....

So that's why I shouldn't have tried it. Knowing that I can make myself cum that way in my cage adds such a big temptation i don't know how I will be able to resist it.... as I said, we're in uncharted territory. I don't know how sex-crazed I will become. Every day feels like a new peak. Like, it can't get more intense than that. And every day just pulverises the peak of the day before. I have no idea where this will end. If there is a limit. Or it just keeps increasing.

In any case, I let Mistress Emma know about my pillow-humping adventure. Telling Her that She will need to set an extreme punishment for me if I actually hump myself to completion. And that the punishment will have to be terrifying. It will need to outweigh the ever increasing horniness. I don't know how I will restrain myself otherwise.

___________________________________________________________

Fuck, my plan to ask Mistress Emma for a deterrent for cumming in my cage backfired immensely.

Mistress Emma loved the fact that I was struggling to prevent an orgasm so much that She didn't want to make it easier on me.  So instead of forbidding me an orgasm or giving me such an extreme punishment that I wouldn't dare to cum, Mistress Emma put the decision to cum entirely in my hands.

BUT, She attached a consequence to it. For each orgasm I have before gaining my freedom officially from Her, She will add 100 strokes with the Emma paddle to my count.  (Btw, all strokes on my count will have to be executed in a single session…)

At first, I didn't understand the severity of what Mistress Emma was saying. I thought: "Ok, that's difficult to bear, but not IMPOSSIBLE."  I don't know if that will deter me from going for an orgasm. Which would mean I would fail Her challenge and betray Her. Which I didn't want. So I asked Mistress Emma for a more extreme punishment…  Mistress Emma refused, however.

And while Mistress Emma was explaining Her reasoning for it, it started to dawn on me how much worse Mistress Emma's consequence would be for me. And how twisted it was. This was pure evil.  And She designed it that way on purpose.

In fact, I'm allowed to cum. She's not forbidding it. But She added an extra dimension & consequence to it, that might stack up quickly. And She's making it much more difficult for me mentally.

If I manage to hold myself back and not orgasm, Mistress Emma has fun in knowing how difficult it is for me, since I'm not explicitly forbidden. I would be constantly struggling with weighing my options. Either I give in and give myself pleasure now, which would cause a lot of suffering later, So it's a constant mindfuck. Forbidding me would have been a lot easier on me.

On the other hand, if I fail and have an orgasm in my cage, Mistress Emma has the pleasure of delivering 100 hits with the Emma paddle. And I will have had the taste of an orgasm again. Since I'm still locked, 1 orgasm after x days of denial will not be enough to alleviate all the horniness. And it will start to rise again quickly. And since I would have had a taste of it, the memory would still be sharp and fresh in my mind. Constantly tempting me to have another release… Which would again add 100 strokes to my count…

That, plus the fact that it would actually excite me to do a real punishment session with Mistress Emma.  When we do a hardcore session, at a certain point, Mistress Emma shows empathy for my suffering & slows down. Which is normal, as there is no fixed number of strikes to endure, and otherwise it would just go on forever.  However, when it would be a punishment session because of a rule break, Mistress Emma will not show that mercy. There will be a fixed number of strikes, and She will execute the punishment until it's done. The ONLY reason Mistress Emma would stop is if I were to faint. Nothing else would stop Her from executing the punishment fully. And Mistress Emma already told me She would stop before I faint to give me a small break. So She can continue afterwards. Not out of mercy. But to make sure the punishment can be completed in full.

So with that seemingly "not too impossible" punishment, She added a whole new layer of twisted mindfuckery to this chastity play. She's putting every decision in my own hands.

In fact, there are no rules. Instead, what she's giving me are consequences. And it's my own job of weighing my horniness vs the consequences.

It's so fucking exciting. I'm currently planning to hump my pillow every evening to cover it in fresh precum. And then sleep on it. Every evening until the end of my chastity sentence.

I will (try to) stop before I actually cum. And see how many days I can last doing that successfully.

The pillow humping actually feels better than sex right now. And the challenge of having to stop before I cum, coupled with the dangerous consequences of failing… Especially if I fail multiples, those hits will start racking up…

IT'S SO FUCKING HOT…

_____________________________________________________________________________

I've been humping my pillow for 2 hours straight now… Edging myself. Always trying to get me as close as possible to an orgasm, to see if I can reach it. But stopping just before it happens.  It feels soooo fucking good…   In fact, as it turns out, when feeling this horny, my mind has a tendency to try to make it more challenging and worse for me.

And so this is the point where I put my shovel in the ground and started digging my own grave.

I sent the following message to Mistress Emma:

"Fuck, I was barely able to stop myself from cumming. It was really close. 🙈 but oh so hot.

Can you please force me and make this a mandatory daily task, mistress?  🙈 (Starting after this weekend)

- At least once per day i would need to edge myself in my cage until I leak precum. Starting this Sunday evening until the 27th.

- Either with pillow humping or putting the slubb around my cage. (or anything really)

- I would need to provide proof (pic or video) of both the edging and the resulting precum. (I sometimes leak automatically by now, so proof of the edging itself would need to be included)

- If I fail to do it or fail to provide sufficient proof of both the process and the results, 20 hits with the Emma paddle would be added to my count. (Judgement of sufficient proof is entirely at your discretion)

- If I let it go too far and actually cum, 100 hits with the Emma paddle would be added (as established already)

What do you think of this idea, Mistress?? 🙈🙈🙈"

It was late already, so Mistress Emma was already fast asleep.  I went to bed, dreaming about what She would say when She saw the message in the morning. There was no going back now…

End of day count:

• 20 hits with the Emma paddle
• 5 days in, 17 days to go

(PS. Mistress Emma has shown me a picture of what one of Her slave's ass looked like after 200 hits with the Emma paddle. It was raw and bloody. And as of now, I will hump my pillow 17 days in a row, edging myself. And with each failure, I will suffer 100 hits.  I might be digging my own grave, but fuck, I can't help it.)

DAY 6

I woke up and saw that Mistress Emma had left me a voice message. It was Her reply to my proposal to dig my own grave for Her.

Of course, Mistress Emma jumped on that immediately.  She said I was setting up a trap for myself. But She absolutely loved it.  Before, She put the decision entirely into my hands, just giving me consequences. I didn't HAVE to edge…  Just, if I did edge & couldn't stop myself, there would be Hell to pay.

But now, due to MY OWN DESIGN, I just made this a mandatory daily challenge.

Mistress Emma was looking forward to seeing how much trouble I would get myself in.  Possibly accumulating an immense amount of extra hits.  And then being able to deliver them all in one session.

It was sooooo hot to hear that message.

But it was time to take my cage off now. I was going to walk around in Amsterdam with my family the entire day today.

____________________________________________________________________

It just felt fucking wrong.  Not wearing my chastity cage…   Somehow, I was walking around fully free.  Now I would never try to cheat during the day. I could easily walk into a bathroom and quickly jerk off. It wouldn't take long with the state I'm in…  But that just would feel so… So dull.

I mean, we were doing this freakishly intense chastity game that lasted for weeks. It was so fucking exciting, and the tension was starting to achieve unimaginable heights. And then I would just rub one off in a public bathroom?  Betraying the trust Mistress Emma put in me?  After I just had Her give me that crazy challenge?

No fucking way. If I was going to cum, I was going to do it while failing the challenge. Not like this.

+ It kind of felt like my physical connection to Mistress Emma was gone…  I always had Her with me for the last 6 days. Like physically… I mean, it was basically like She herself was wrapped around my cock 24/7… (Sorry, Mistress. I truly mean no disrespect. 😀   But to be honest, that's how I'm imagining it now… I hope you will forgive me for that, given that you are the one who put me in this mental state… :D)

So, of course, I let Mistress Emma know how I felt.  And She responded immediately, saying that She felt the same. In fact, earlier this morning She was already contemplating sending me a message to tell me I had to keep my cage on instead of taking it off.  Because it just didn't feel right…  So in fact, it seems Mistress Emma and I were fully on the same page.   But being the generous & fair person that She is, Mistress Emma didn't want to come back on our agreement at the last minute.  She made the deal with me, and She would honour that.

However, since I felt the same way, I asked Her to order me to lock back up again the first chance I get when I'm back at the hotel. And that it should not come off again for any reason (other than SUPERVISED cleaning). No exceptions.  And that felt sooo much better.  Knowing that I would be caged again for Mistress Emma. Beautiful, gorgeous Mistress Emma.

And obviously, She didn't hesitate for one second.

I just sent: "Fuck, I love you".  I couldn't hold it back.

______________________________________________________________________________

Finally, I'm back in my hotel room & the cage is right back where it should be.

I showed proof to Mistress Emma immediately.  And of course, I also started humping my pillow again.  I'm literally devolving into a baser life form.

I'm so sure I fucked myself over with that challenge. The humping felt sooo good.  One day, I would cave and explode. Or it would happen just so suddenly that I can't stop it anymore.

I just asked Mistress Emma to be extremely strict on judging whether I edged sufficiently.  If She feels I'm taking it easy on myself during the challenge, Mistress Emma should add 20 hits to the count. I want to have the edge to the absolute limit every day and stop just before exploding. To make the challenge even harder.

Again, as usual, we were on the same page. Mistress Emma assured me that She already was going to do that anyway.

I'm giving Her ALL the tools to start racking up hits with the Emma paddle & give Her the punishment session of Her dreams.

And I kind of changed my mind about wanting to receive pictures of Mistress Emma's cleavage…  I had been asking for them, but She always denied me.  Telling me I was being too cheeky and I was having too much fun still…  And now I was scared to receive them.  If She would send it while I was doing my edging challenge, it might push me over the edge.  Triggering an orgasm and giving me 100 hits.

Of course, as always, I told Mistress Emma everything that popped into my head. And this was the moment She decided to do the exact opposite. And send pictures of Herself…

NNggggghhhh fuck.

When She sent me the pictures, out of reflex, I moved my hand towards my penis… Wanting to jerk off.

Of course, the cage was in the fucking way.  So just to try, I grabbed my cage in my hand and started to move it slightly up and down… But like REALLY SLIGHTLY.  And oh my fucking goddess…  IT FELT LIKE JERKING OFF!!!!    This discovery hit me like a bomb.  This is sooo fucking dangerous.  I found a way to do something that actually feels like jerking off.  And with my horniness, it would cause me trouble.

I sent Mistress Emma a video of that. And She kept teasing me with her excruciatingly hot voice messages. How She loves to fuck with my head.  How much She's enjoying this. How fucked I will be. How She's pointing me to wherever She wants me. How She will only keep making it worse for me.

At this point, all my better judgment was out of the window. There were only URGES.  Deep, savage, animalistic URGES.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It's 3am now, and I've been edging for 4 fucking hours.  It's impossible to stop.

But something just happened.  There was a sudden & quite big rush of precum flowing out.  But like, A LOT.  It wasn't just a little bit of leaking like usually happens with edging. It was a real stream… Not spouting out into the air, but like flowing out and down my cock/cage.

It wasn't cum, though. It was completely clear….  So it was precum… But I never had that much leaking out and with that speed. Normally, it's a little drip.

So I took pictures and sent them to Mistress Emma, saying that I'm confused and that I don't know if that was an orgasm or not.

It didn't matter, though.  A short time later, the orgasm happened anyway…

My first orgasm in my cage…

And officially, the challenge will only start tomorrow.  I was just too horny and couldn't stop myself anymore.

At this point, I had dug my grave. But it's also when I noticed a rabbit hole in the grave I made for myself. And I had just started falling into it. And just like Alice in Wonderland, the rabbit hole will be so much deeper than I could ever imagine.

End of day count:

• 120 hits with the Emma paddle

6 days in, 16 days to go

DAY 7

Mistress Emma saw the result of my edging and happily replied:

"Congratulations S. You have just added 100 hits to your account!"

And I just know those won't be the last ones. That orgasm felt heavenly. But it didn't lower the horniness at all.  One orgasm after 6 days is not enough to cause post-nut clarity. Not by far.

I wondered if there would be physically enough time to apply all the hits in one session, with how I'm doing so far & the daily challenges I initiated myself with Mistress Emma.  But Mistress Emma was quick to correct me. The question is not whether it would be physically possible, but actually how much time we would NEED to deliver all the hits in one session. As that was the deal. The torture session is coming my way. And all the consequences of my bad decisions and weaknesses will be executed in 1 session. That was not negotiable.

Mistress Emma actually made a bet with Herself at this point to see how many hits I might reach by the end of this challenge… And She was thoroughly messing with my head. Telling me how much She was looking forward to punishing me with Her paddle. That I would be feeling the results for weeks afterwards.

Mistress Emma was telling me about the punishment She gave another slave of Hers recently. Of 200 hits with the Emma paddle. And that after 200 hits, he couldn't take it anymore. And how dangerously close I was already coming to that count. That there was still a lot of time ahead of us, too. That at one point, I might start to have almost spontaneous orgasms due to the horniness. And those would ALSO count towards the punishment. She was looking forward to that. Mistress Emma would show no mercy.

I was setting the stage for an absolutely wild session like nothing I have ever experienced before, or even could have imagined before.

Mistress Emma kept messing with my head about the punishment session. It was breaking my head. It was making me so fucking horny.  I actually took a cold shower at this point to cool off. Because I was scared my cock was going to break the cage from trying to get an erection.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma's plan was working. My stupid self was in control again.

I sent a message to Mistress Emma, saying I felt something was missing from the punishments…  It was a chastity game, but there were no CBT-related punishments.  So I had an idea about applying a secondary consequence with the alligator clips.  For every 10 hits in my account, Mistress Emma would use 1 alligator clip on my cock & balls for 30 minutes.  So when I would reach 200 hits, that would equal 20 alligator clips for 30 minutes.  Which is kind of what I went through last time She used them on me.

Of course, I was fairly sure I would exceed the 200 hits, so this time there would be more alligator clips.

Mistress Emma loved where my mind goes when I'm feeling wild. She felt like She couldn't fail me. Of course, we added this to the punishments.  She told me to be véry careful. Because every mistake was going to cost me dearly, and Mistress Emma would be there to deliver the punishments.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma and I decided that for the unlocking on the 27th, we would schedule an unlocking session of 4 hours where Mistress Emma would milk me dry completely.  To make the unlocking moment as wild and fun as possible. This would not be the punishment session. That would be the next one after the unlocking/milking session.

We also came up with the idea to let me "buy out" of the last 5 days of challenges. To ensure maximum horniness for that milking session. Of course, I would have to pay the punishment for a mistake to buy out of those days. So 20 hits with the Emma paddle per day bought out.

I was not required to buy out, though. So I had this at my disposal when I needed it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Today was my first time edging with the slubb on the cage. I edged 3 times for about 1 minute.

Fuck that was so intense. Putting the slubb on the cage gives an entirely new dimension to masturbating with the slubb. The vibrations are more "indirect"…  But given the horniness and that my cock is straining against my cage at that point, the vibrations are felt everywhere, at every place on my cock. It's CRAZY.

I can't take this for long. I have to stop after 1 minute, or I'm afraid I will cum.

I came so fucking close to orgasming.  Even minutes after I stopped with the slubb, I felt my cock pulsating, trying to squeeze out an orgasm.

I sent videos to Mistress Emma of my edging and the resulting pre-cum leaking out.

End of day count:

• 120 hits with the Emma paddle
• 12 alligator clips for 30min

7 days in, 15 days to go

DAY 8

I woke up again to a message from Mistress Emma, replying to the result of my challenge.

"This is just sufficient. You did well… So far."

I was like, "What the fuck?" 😅  I barely managed to survive this edging challenge without orgasming…

I asked for more information about Mistress Emma's expectations, because I really wanted to know.

But She thought it was a better idea to make me learn through trial and error. And learning from failing…

Those lessons always stick better, Mistress Emma said.

Fuck.

This is such a trap I set for myself. This punishment session is going to be so fucking bad for me.

Mistress Emma just replied in Her cheery voice:

"Yep, you're welcomed into the I'm fucked, and truly and properly fucked, and fucked and done for good".

That voice message alone got me leaking in my cage like crazy. Mistress Emma was messing with me.

She kept sending me voice messages like that. Getting my pre-cum flowing continuously.

So, obviously, there was only one thing I could do. And that is to come up with another stupid idea.

I proposed that Mistress Emma add an "unlocking fee" to our arrangement. She should not tell it to me up front. Mistress Emma should start teasing & denying me in my cage during the unlocking session. And then when I'm super horny and begging for release, She would tell me the unlocking fee (X number of hits).  And I could either accept it, so Mistress Emma would take the cage off & proceed to milk me dry.  OR if I didn't want to pay it, She would keep me locked up and let the challenges continue.  Of course, the punishment for orgasms would apply until I'm out of the cage. So if She decides to milk me dry in my cage, Mistress Emma would still add hits to my account.

Again, Mistress Emma loves those ideas. And She loves that I can't keep them in the longer I'm locked up.

So of course, Mistress Emma took me up on it. Again.  I mean, why wouldn't She?  I'm handing Her everything She wants on a silver platter.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I just discovered I can actually edge myself by just clenching and unclenching my pelvic muscles while sitting at my desk. This causes small rubbing of my cock against the cage, and by this point, even that is intensely stimulating.  So I'm constantly edging myself now, even at work. Even during meetings.  It's crazy.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I was at a restaurant with my boss tonight. Having a catch-up dinner. Of course, I let Mistress Emma know, and She immediately took advantage of that by demanding proof… 🙄

Mistress Emma was laughing Her ass off at that one. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to take a picture to provide proof.

I told Mistress Emma how mean She was, and She loved it!  Though Mistress Emma promised not to do it again that night, as Her goal was not to get me in trouble with my boss. She just couldn't help Herself when I told Her. And to be fair, I can't blame Her. 😀

__________________________________________________________________________________

After the restaurant, I suddenly realized that Mistress Emma now had full control over the final number of hits I would have in my count.  Because at the end, She can decide on an unlocking fee. Whatever She wants.  So I just gave Mistress Emma full freedom on how hard to make the punishment session.

And then I thought, "I'm fucked". Because She will stop for nothing. Not for my pleading, crying, … only when I faint will She stop.

Suddenly, I was thinking about whether it was possible to FAKE FAINTING… Because I know that if it's possible, I would try it.  But then I would be weaseling out of what I promised Mistress Emma. And I didn't want that.

So I came up with ANOTHER stupid idea. (My stupid self is the gift that keeps on giving…)

If I actually faint (or fake faint), then the punishment should be regarded as not being completed and thus not being executed. And I would have to go through it again next time, from scratch. To make sure I push through the first time!

Mistress Emma assured me I will not be able to fake that, BUT that She agreed that it will only be over until the time we can execute the punishment in 1 session.  She would also keep a close eye on me and see if I would get close to fainting. Then Mistress Emma would stop for a minute. Not out of mercy. Oh no.  She would stop & give me a break to ensure I don't faint, so She can continue afterwards! Otherwise She would have to stop the session.

So yeah, Mistress Emma closed off with that cheery voice again: "I'm sorry to tell you, but no, you will not be able to fake that at all. You're fucked. You're really fucked."

______________________________________________________________________________________

Late at night, I edged myself again with the slubb.

I tried to increase the difficulty for Mistress Emma. To make Her proud.

I fixed the slubb quite tightly to the cage, so it won't come off easily. And I was going to put the slubb on and keep my free hand to the side.  And hold out for as long as I can.  So even when I feel the orgasm bubbling up, I still have to take the slubb with my free hand and turn it off.  Which might cause that little delay that pushes me over the edge if I'm not fast enough.

I stopped after 1 minute 40 seconds.  And I thought I made it. It was so fucking close. I felt my cock pulsating.  But I really thought I made it.

However, 30 seconds after I turned the slubb off, sperm started to leak out… Slowly…

I had a fucking RUINED ORGASM!!!   Sperm came out, and I didn't even have the feeling of an orgasm. And NONE OF THE RELIEF.  THIS WAS INSANE.  The horniness did not drop AT ALL.

This is going to end badly for me.

End of day count:

• 220 hits with the Emma paddle
• 22 alligator clips for 30min
• 8 days in, 14 days to go

DAY 9

I asked Mistress Emma if we could lower the orgasm penalty to 50 hits per orgasm. Because it was still quite some days to go, and at the rate this was going, the numbers would reach astronomical heights.

It made me quite scared.

Mistress Emma just replied:

"Nope. I know, it makes me quite amused".

Her ruthlessness was so fucking hot.  I can't explain it. I'm so scared, but at the same time I'm so horny. It's such a big mindfuck.

I decided then and there that I would buy out of the last 5 days. I knew it would give me 100 extra hits.  But those could easily be 500 extra hits if I don't buy out and orgasm every day…

Mistress Emma said it might be a good idea, and that She was already going to purchase extra alligator clips, as it looked like She might be needing more than She has.

Mistress Emma also warned me that this is not a farmer's market. So there will be no refund for the bought-out days. If I have an orgasm during those days anyway, the orgasm penalty will still apply.

I couldn't help myself and replied that while it might not be a farmers market, I was feeling more & more like a milked cow… 😅

Mid-day count:

• 320 hits with the Emma paddle
• 32 alligator clips for 30min

Mistress Emma kept teasing me. She was loving every second of it by now. Mistress Emma had SO MUCH CONTROL OVER ME. It was unparalleled.

After a while, I wished my Mistress a good day and hoped She would enjoy Her sessions.  And that I would try & focus on work.

Tough luck! She replied 20 minutes later with: "Good luck with that."

Followed by: "Send proof"

Like, fucking hell!  I was just getting into my focus, and then She did that!!!!  That was so fucking mean, haha.

AND SHE KNEW!!!!  SHE DID IT TO MESS WITH ME!!!!

Fuck, and it was working so much.  Knowing that Mistress Emma had so much control over me was triggering me constantly. I absolutely LOVED IT.  It was so fucking exciting.  Every time I'm getting into my regular routine, Mistress Emma is there to reel me back in. And keep my mind on Her.

And She did it intentionally. Mistress Emma was loving that. And so was I.

This was so intense.

Mistress Emma even said that this experience exceeded Her expectations with how intense it was and how much control She had over me. She loved it.

I was spiralling again. All because of the short message "Send proof".

I did my challenge during the day. I couldn't stop myself anymore. I did manage to avoid an orgasm, though!

Luckily, Mistress Emma was in a great mood, and She will accept the challenge. But She did warn me that She expected me to do better in the future.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Later this evening, I sent the following message:

"The punishment session will have to be a full-day session. I'm sure of it.

Fuck, a 2-day session even feels hotter. But I know that's not an option. But just the thought of the bruises settling in. And then the next day, You continue to hit me again on my already bruised ass. It would be so wild."

Mistress Emma's reply literally blew my mind:

"You can have the 2nd day session. We can organise the logistics."

LIKE SERIOUSLY????

I WAS GOING TO HAVE A 2-DAY SESSION WITH MISTRESS EMMA!!!

And Mistress Emma was so happy as well. As this meant there were fewer limitations on the challenges and punishments Mistress Emma could give me. Because while She is ruthless, Mistress Emma has to take physical safety & limitations into account. But by extending the punishment session to 2 days, that just increased the ceiling immensely of what is possible.

So yeah. I fucked myself over even harder. And I absolutely fucking love it.  2 fucking days.  I sent that as an offhand comment. And somehow, Mistress Emma went along with it.

And of course, my stupidity knows no bounds. And it proposed to revise the punishments.  Because the current punishment structure incentivises me to play it safe and take the 20 hits as punishment for failure, instead of risking an orgasm and receiving 100 hits.

Mistress Emma agreed completely, and while She would make sure to reach Her desired number of hits during the unlocking session and She already sent me voice messages about how the skin on my butt will be torn and how deep the bruises will be after only 1 day. And that Mistress Emma will just start again on the second day.  She did agree that the punishment structure should be revised to give me a more balanced incentive. And Mistress Emma was looking forward to my ideas. Because it was clear I was coming up with all sorts of things that made life better for Her. Oh She was loving this.

In fact, Mistress Emma also mentioned that up until now, She has been going easy on me with judging how the challenges went. Because She had that physical limitation. But now that that has been removed, the judgments will be a lot stricter from now on.

And this is the point where I discovered just how deep the rabbit hole goes. I went into a self-destructive spiral. I stayed up until the middle of the night, coming up with all kinds of ideas to revise the punishment structure. To give an incentive for actually doing my best while trying to avoid an orgasm.

I sent a shitload of messages to Mistress Emma with all kinds of ideas. Like really, a shitload. So that in the morning, She could just reply to them and pick the ones She liked.

I was kind of embarrassed afterwards by the number of messages I wrote. But I couldn't hold it in anymore. It had to come out. This 2-day session has got me spiraling so fucking hard.

I also asked Mistress Emma to revise the judgments of the previous challenges. It only seemed fair (to my stupid head).

Because reality and circumstances had changed. So the judgment of those challenges should be revised based on that new reality.

End of day count:

• 320 hits with the Emma paddle
• 32 alligator clips for 30min
• 9 days in, 13 days to go

(PS. In case you're wondering what all those ideas were, this is about the time when the contract was being formed, which is also on Mistress Emma's blog for everyone to read. Just look for the "Chastity Contract" blog post. Almost all of the ideas are in the contract. As you can see, that contract had not been there from the start. It all started with a simple 2 weeks of chastity.  And along the way, it escalated into a monstrosity of a punishment camp. And it was mostly due to my own doing. Mistress Emma did not force me down this path at all. As you can read in the journal, my own depraved mind is my worst enemy. Mistress Emma just took full advantage of that.)

DAY 10

Today is a blur.  The journal entry will be short.

There were so many ideas & punishments & counts to keep track of by now that it was impossible to do it via WhatsApp anymore.  So today I summarized everything and put it into a Chastity Contract for Mistress Emma.

You can see the result of this day on Her blog by reading the contract.

I even removed the 2-day limitation for Mistress Emma.  It was not mandatory, of course. A 2-day session was perfectly fine for me. But if She so desires, She can still extend it. This means that there was literally no limit anymore to the number of punishments Mistress Emma could add to my count. She was fucking ecstatic about that.

At this point, Mistress Emma was FULLY UNLEASHED.

And that became clear with the challenge of today. The first challenge with a fixed target.

I had to edge with the slubb for 9 MINUTES!!!  I barely lasted 2 minutes before.

But Mistress Emma didn't care anymore. She had been limited before. The limit had been removed now. She was designing the challenges from now on to be extremely hard. And to rack up as many hits as possible.

Mistress Emma also purchased 80 more alligator clips… FUCKING 80!!!!  She did that "for my peace of mind". So I don't have to worry about Her not having enough alligator clips to deliver the punishment.

That already tells me which way this is gonna go.

Mistress Emma ended with her cheery voice: "Have fun today!!!"

And of course, She also revised her judgments of all previous challenges, and they were all failures. I asked for this. And needless to say, I had an orgasm AND a failure for this challenge.

I actually reached the end of the rabbit hole. I think I'm in Wonderland now. And if you remember the movie, Wonderland is quite dangerous…

Oh yeah, and I failed the supervised cleaning as well…

___________________________________________________________________________________

Today I had 2 failures + an orgasm. And a review of the status of the previous challenges.

This was not a good day for my punishment sentence.

End of day count:

• 500 hits with Emma paddle
• 50 alligator clips for 2h10min
• 5h electro CBT
• 50 extra days of chastity next time

10 days in, 12 days to go

DAY 11

Having unleashed Mistress Emma, She made it clear to me that She would now make my head explode multiple times a day. I was leaking constantly in my cage by now.

The orgasms have not reduced the horniness at all.

Mistress Emma keeps sending me voice messages that make me spiral further and further.

Even when I'm asking Her if what we're doing will be safe, since this is turning quite extreme, Mistress Emma replies very casually, explaining how She will make sure I will survive the punishment camp. Not out of mercy, no.

She just has no other option than to keep my physical safety in mind, or otherwise She will not be able to complete the punishment at all, which is not an option.

Mistress Emma said this has evolved beyond Her wildest dreams. She never ever thought our simple chastity deal would evolve into this.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma asked me to send Her the final version of the contract with the updated punishment log. Because She had a surprise for me.  But Mistress Emma wouldn't tell me what it was at that point. I would have to wait and see…

This got me really scared. Why would She need that? I was scared She was going to add something to it as a surprise, that would be incredibly twisted.

Unfortunately, I told Mistress Emma that I was on my way to dinner again with 2 ex-colleagues. And of course, that gave Her immense pleasure again. Because it was a new way to mess with my head.

About every hour or so, Mistress Emma would send me voice messages. And I didn't know if it was about the surprise or not. All I could do was go to the bathroom every hour and hear what She had to say, to see if it was about the surprise.  Of course She kept me hooked the entire evening. Sending me teasing voice messages that I listened to in the bathroom. Making me crazy. Making me so fucking horny again. And each time having to go back to the dinner table, not knowing what the surprise was.

And the worst part was, my phone battery was almost dead. So I had to put it in flight mode and just check regularly to see if I had a message.  Mistress Emma dominated my mind during that entire dinner…

Again, She laughed Her ass off so much. Mistress Emma loved messing with my head.

She even gave me the challenge for the day during dinner.  Fuck. I had to edge 6 times for 1 minute, with a 20-second break in between. But it had to be timed to the second. If I took a break for 1 second too long at any given point, the challenge would be a failure.

And Mistress Emma always ends the messages about the challenges with that cheery voice: "Enjoy".

Like, She KNOWS the challenge She's giving me is almost impossible. And will rack up more hits for me. But Mistress Emma says it in such a cheery way. It's actually funny!

____________________________________________________________________________________

This challenge was a true mindfuck. It was a lot harder than I thought.

I was about to begin, when I realized I had no idea when I had to start & stop the slubb. Because it had to be on the exact second, and I was going to be so focused on not cumming, that I would make a mistake.

Oh, that is fucking sneaky of Mistress Emma.  BUT, I have been taking notes. So I prepared myself.

I calculated at which exact seconds I needed to turn the slubb on and off, etc. And put it on my pc screen.

So I didn't have to think about it anymore!

So I started the challenge. And in the middle of the challenge, my FUCKING SCREENSAVER TURNED ON!!!!

I couldn't see the timings anymore!!!!  And with my 1 hand I was holding the camera, and in the other I was holding the slubb. I didn't want to risk missing a timing by removing my hand from the slubb and fiddling around with my pc…

So I had to go from memory anyway!  And I was so fucking close! I almost made it!

I CAME IN THE LAST FUCKING SECOND.  LIKE REALLY. THE LAST FUCKING SECOND OF THE LAST EDGE!!!

You couldn't even do it if you tried.

I did manage to execute the timings correctly, though. So no failure. Just an orgasm.

The cage is getting damaged, though, from the force of the slubb. I'm going to check with Mistress Emma how to proceed.

End of day count:

• 600 hits with Emma paddle
• 60 alligator clips for 2h10min
• 6h electro CBT
• 50 extra days of chastity next time
• 11 days in, 11 days to go

1. The surprise was that Mistress Emma published the contract on Her blog while it was still ongoing. Because Mistress Emma loved how wild it had become and wanted to share it.  That was such a big compliment. The knowledge that what we're doing excites Mistress Emma as much as it excites me!

DAY 12

I'm getting quite tired today. The intensity of the experience, the orgasms, the challenges, and constantly being on edge is catching up to me, I feel.

Earlier today, I sent another stupid idea to Mistress Emma. And I started to realize how much I'm fucking myself over. So I actually asked Mistress Emma to reconsider the last idea I sent. And to maybe just scratch it.

Mistress Emma sent me a VERY CLEAR reply:  "No, the answer is no. Firm and steady. No. Nope. Absolutely not. No way around it. No wiggling out of it. None of the above."

It was so confusing. I really needed a bit of mercy. I was starting to break.  But at the same time, Mistress Emma's firm reply was so hot as well. I was literally shaking & leaking at the same time.  I don't know anymore.

At that point, the parcel with the alligator clips had arrived. 80 extra alligator clips.

And Mistress Emma sent me a picture.

I think I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma sent me a new challenge.

1 minute on speed 1, 10s break, 1 minute on speed 2, 5s break, 1 minute on speed 3.

The cage almost broke from this!   My cock slipped out, and it flipped completely!

Of course, this was a failure. And it's clear that from now on, we will have to approach things differently.

DAY 13

Today, we added the "weasel" clause to the contract.  I mentioned to Mistress Emma that the Sadotoys I once bought Her are still missing from the contract…  And of course, Mistress Emma had no trouble finding a way to incorporate them.

Since Mistress Emma noticed I was starting to try & weasel out of certain ideas we agreed on, She added the weasel clause in the contract. That way, trying to weasel out would only make the punishment camp worse, AND it would incorporate the Sadotoys. Quite genius of Mistress Emma.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Since the slubb is damaging the cage so much, Mistress Emma had the idea to switch cages just for the duration of the challenges. I have a few chastity cages at home. They are not fit for long-term wear, but do work for a short time. So that would allow us to continue the challenge.

Of course, because I didn't have that idea myself, Mistress Emma decided to add a "weasel out punishment" to the count.

Mistress Emma gave me the endurance challenge today. Edge with the slubb until the battery runs out. No breaks.

Of course, this is an impossible challenge. I can never succeed with that one. It's designed to rack up the hits.

On top of that, I failed the challenge. I had to break it off.  My neighbor came knocking, asking what all the noise was.  I had put on loud music, hoping to drown out the noise of the slubb. Because it's very loud.

Obviously, that was a bad idea. The slubb wasn't drowned out, and the music just added to the noise. To the point that I was getting in trouble with my neighbors. (I live in an apartment…)

In the half hour of using the slubb, I came twice though.

So again, quite some hits were racked up. You can see that in the punishment log of the contract.

___________________________________________________________________________________

The 2 orgasms and all the orgasms of the last few days have put me in quite a bad state right now. Like, my mind is going into depression & anxiety mode again.

I'm wondering if this is not going too far… It all started very innocently. Just 2 weeks in chastity. Having to send proof regularly.

And it escalated into this monster of a contract.  That will result in a punishment camp for which I know I'm not ready. I never took that kind of punishment before. That camp is in a whole different league from what I've been playing in so far.  And I'm scared. Not "excited scared".  But genuinely scared for my safety. Scared doesn't even cut it. It's terror I'm feeling.

I know I was the trigger for most of it. I enabled Mistress Emma. And constantly came up with ideas myself to make it worse, to make it more exciting.  I was just so fucking horny. And apparently, I get very stupid when I'm horny & constantly want more, without thinking about consequences.

So I know it's my own fault.  But now, after having a few orgasms over the last few days due to the challenges, and especially 2 quite intense ones today, reality is sinking in.

And I have this dread feeling… That I've gone miles past my own limits.  Like, not just passed them a little bit. But just flew past them and ended up on the other side of the world. All because of the ever increasing horniness of this chastity experience. And the constant triggers and mindfucks that Mistress Emma sends me. They just trigger me more.

And somehow I'm thinking, I know this is part of the game & is what makes it exciting. But shouldn't my Mistress also not protect me just a little bit? I mean, we've known each other for years by now. She knows what I can take. She already had an inkling of how I get when I'm horny. I've tried to challenge Her before a session as well. And She rose up to the challenge and made me regret it during the sessions. But because of that, She knows how much I'm able to take.

And when I look at the punishment log in the contract…  I know Mistress Emma loves to push me. I love that myself as well, in fact.  But this… It's honestly starting to feel like a bridge too far.

I know I got into this contract myself. And I'm largely to blame for escalating it further & further. But it's also not like I was in a regular state of mind when it happened.  I can't blame Mistress Emma for it either. She's playing further on the energy I'm putting out myself.  I don't even think Mistress Emma realizes how I'm feeling at this point. Which is normal, since this is a long-distance game basically.  If we were physically together, I'm sure She would have picked up on it via my body language and already adjusted a bit. Because that's who She is.  She punishes, but She also cares.

I'm just scared that if I tell Mistress Emma now, after enabling it up to this point, I will disappoint Her greatly. And She's been putting quite a lot of time & effort into this as well.  So I don't want to talk about this over the phone.

On one hand, I realize this might just be because of the post-nut clarity drop. Actually, not just post-nut clarity, but like the temporary drop you can feel after an intense BDSM session. Because that's what this is basically. A 3-week fucking BDSM session. Where my fetishes are being triggered 24/7.  So it should kind of be expected that there will be a few drops like that in there.

And that it might be best to let it sink in further to see what the actual feeling is. Because the down might pass…  On the other hand, I don't know if it's only the down. I feel like it has been building a bit. The dread about what this has evolved into.

I also know Mistress Emma will hold me to it. She's a strict Mistress & once a deal has been made, it needs to be honored.  I'm just scared that this punishment camp will actually traumatize me. That's how it feels right now. That after that punishment camp, I will be so traumatized that I will turn my back on BDSM forever.

And that feeling is what makes me realize how far over my limits I am right now.  Because I love BDSM. Both hard & soft. And I love the connection & relationship I have with Mistress Emma. We've known each other for years now and have built up a great dynamic. Our sessions are wonderful. And I feel safe with Her.

But the fact that I'm starting to no longer feel safe. And actually believe I would turn my back on it all after that camp. It means something is wrong.

And I don't even know what to do at this point. I feel paralyzed.

_____________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma sent me this message. It was related to something else.

"After all, we are playing to spice up our lives, not to wreck them into pieces."

The punishment camp feels like it will wreck me.

I hope Mistress Emma will not ignore this part of the journal.

And will talk to me about it when She reads it. From human being to human being.

To see if it is wise to proceed. I just really don't want to lose my relationship with Mistress Emma.

She's so wonderful. I just hope She sees I will need the Angel in this conversation. Not the trickster or the queen of hell.

__________________________________

I'm lying in my bed, looking at the quotes I have hanging up on my bedroom wall. It's a remnant from a previous time when I suffered from depression. I needed the little daily reminders to keep the darkness in my head at bay.

One of them is standing out like a small beacon of light right now. Trying to guide me out of the darkness from the very intense drop.

It says:

"Not everyday will be sunshine.

But there will be sunshine again.

You will be warm again."

It's hitting deep.

DAY 14

Yesterday was the biggest drop I have ever experienced from BDSM. It was the long, intense buildup, followed by a double orgasm.

My mind went really dark. Like I was back in depression mode.

This is so fucking intense.

I'm better again today, though. The quote did its thing.

Today is a warm day again.

I just have to take it one step at a time. And remind myself that the most important step to take is always the next one.

_______________________________________________________________________

Today, my balls actually slipped out of the cage on their own!!!  And my balls actually flipped back inside my body for a minute! I did not expect that. It hasn't happened before…  So the cage actually came off…

I immediately made pictures and reapplied the cage properly on video. Of course, that means a new numbered lock is being used, so Mistress Emma would know the cage had been off…

Mistress Emma laughed Her ass off at that one.

My body was trying to weasel out of the challenges on its own!

So, of course, even though it was my body doing this out of my control, it was still counted as trying to "weasel out". And the punishment had to be applied.

_______________________________________________________________________

Mistress Emma gave me the option today to pick my own challenge. Because I had been giving Her everything She demanded earlier without blinking. So She thought I deserved that. I should not get used to it. It will not become my new reality.  It was just once.

But then, right at the end of that voice message, She twisted it again into another mindfuck.

She ended the message with: "Quite curious to see: 'What would you do for me?'"

But the way She said that… Just from the sound of her voice, I could hear Mistress Emma had a dangerous smile on Her face while She said it.

I knew that if I picked the easiest challenge, I would pay for it afterwards.  She might even decide to count it a failure, because it didn't satisfy Her that I picked the easiest challenge when I had the chance to choose myself…

I told Mistress Emma what a mindfuck it was. That even when Mistress Emma seemed to be giving me a break, She still twisted it and made it into a twisted mindfuck.

She replied: "I'm not going to say anything about it, because I don't want to influence your decision. And I definitely don't want to help you AT ALL with the mindfuck. No no no, mhm, nope. You are going to have to go through that, and I'm going to sit aside, watch and giggle."

Her voice was radiating pure joy during that message. She fucking loved messing with my head.

So I flipped the script back and requested the auditory challenge.  I thought, if She was messing with my head, I might as well make Her work for it too… 😀  And I was kind of craving more voice messages anyway.

Of course, Mistress Emma immediately took me up on my offer. And crafted me a 7min and 44s message!!!!  That I had to listen to while using the slubb.

And before I started, She messaged me:

"And just for my amusement… endure the slubb while listening to my message twice. No breaks in between are allowed."

Like what the fuck?  That's over 15 minutes of edging with the Slubb while listening to Mistress Emma mindfucking me…

Of course, I failed the challenge. I heard my neighbour in his living room at a certain point, so I got too scared to continue.  Not after I had an orgasm again, though of course…

So verdict of today's challenge:  ORGASM & FAILURE…

Again…

Why hadn't I just picked the standard challenge? I could have done it.  And I asked Mistress Emma afterwards… She would have allowed it to be a success.  She would be disappointed, though. But it would have passed…

I did make Her proud though. She told me.  That I chose Her fun & satisfying Her twisted desires over my own needs. And that made Her proud and happy.

DAY 15

Today I told Mistress Emma about the drop I had a few days earlier and also about the drops I'm having after each orgasm by now.  Well, I didn't tell Her all the details, but I told Her I had the biggest drop I ever had from BDSM and that it will probably also happen during the milking session at the end. And that I would need the Angel at that point. Not the Queen of Hell or the Trickster.

The combination of the duration and intensity of this experience makes the drops quite hard. So I don't know how big it will be after 3-4-5 orgasms… It's not just a milking session at the end. It's the pinnacle of an intense 3-week experience.

Mistress Emma understands completely and knows that it is to be expected. She said She will be there for me when I need Her. And will comfort me. And I feel She's already doing that, actually, now during the experience itself.  Because during the day, She's acting more friendly and caring.  And mostly let her twisted side come out in the evening, when I'm feeling better again.  So She gives me a bit of respite to come out of the drop.

Of course, then the whole process starts again, but hey, it's part of the rollercoaster of this experience. And I will remember it forever… At least I told my Mistress how I felt, and She was very understanding of it.

And the fact that it feels that She's already adjusting to it, to keep the experience manageable, while still intense. It means everything to me.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I think Mistress Emma felt that I needed a win.

Of course, She didn't give it to me outright.  BUT, She decided to give me a chance to actually win a challenge. The previous challenges were all designed and chosen to make me fail. To rack up hits.

And today, Mistress Emma gave me the following challenge:

Edge with the slubb for 4 minutes on speed 1, while looking at pictures of Mistress Emma.

Now, you have to know, I've regularly orgasmed in less than 3 minutes during the previous challenges. So this was definitely not just a cat in the bag.  In fact, it turned out to be a very close call.  15-30 more seconds, and I would have been done for.  I actually was doing fucking breathing exercises during the edging, to try and keep the orgasm down!

BUT I MADE IT!!!!   I completed a challenge successfully!!!! No fuckups, no orgasm!!!

I HAVE A WIN!  I'm fucking ecstatic!  I kept shouting in the voice message to Mistress Emma like a little kid: "I made it! I made it! I made it! I made it! …"

And I avoided the clause with the canes on my butt!  Not on my cock and balls though… That will still happen. As tomorrow is the last day of the challenges. (Mistress Emma decided that the last 5 days should go back to strict chastity, to ensure maximum horniness for the milking session!)

So it will be impossible to reach 3 successful challenges, since there is only 1 left.

And of course, Mistress Emma can choose to add the canes as an unlocking fee anyway. Or as a challenge during the milking session.

But still, Mistress Emma made it possible for me today to have a win if I really did my best.

And I really needed that.

That's why I love Mistress Emma so much.  She pushes hard. But She also feels what Her slave truly needs. And this time, She felt I needed a win. She didn't just give it to me, but She made it possible.

I love Her so much. It makes me want to push through. And do the punishment camp. For Her.  I know how happy it will make Her.  And this just confirmed to me again that no matter how bad it will get, in the end, Mistress Emma will keep me safe.  She will have me teetering over the edge. But She will always be there to hold me when I'm really about to fall.

DAY 16

Mistress Emma asked for proof while I was on a video call for work. But I was working from home.

I saw the message, and it kind of got me so excited to try to send proof while the call was still ongoing.

I managed to do it, and it was so fucking hot.

Mistress Emma laughed Her ass off with that one.

_____________________________________________________________________________

It seems I'm having a bit of a medical complication at this point.  My balls have turned dark purple/red/black. I'm not in pain, and there is no swelling, but the color is concerning me.

I sent a picture to Mistress Emma and asked Her if I could take the cage off for a moment to make sure the color reverts back to normal & to avoid any long-term issues.

Of course, Mistress Emma immediately agreed and gave me permission to take it off until the color turned normal again. Mistress Emma likes to push me to my limits (and beyond), but if there is a medical issue popping up, then it stops being a game.  So Mistress Emma was very understanding and let me know I should listen to my body. This is a signal that we've been pushing it a bit too hard. And if we don't heed this signal, then it will only get worse. Then pain & swelling will start to happen. And we don't want that.

So I took the cage off because of a medical issue. And it feels so wrong.

Of course, this also meant that we would not be doing a challenge today. Mistress Emma had already decided not to give me any more timed challenges with the slubb for the last 5 days, to ensure maximum horniness for the unlocking session.  But now this extra complication was being added. So Mistress Emma thought it best to avoid challenges as of today until the unlocking session. To avoid any further medical issues and to ensure that I can stay in chastity as much as possible. Otherwise, I would have too much freedom, and that would ruin the experience for both of us.

______________________________________________________________________________

It's evening now, and the cage is still off. The color is slowly improving, but we're not there yet. Still no pain or swelling, though. So it's looking good, but we've decided to leave the cage off for the night. And to see what the situation is by morning.

Luckily, my body was being very loyal to Mistress Emma. Because during this entire day of freedom, I didn't have a single erection… I thought he would enjoy his freedom & have constant erections. But it was quite the opposite. The physical protection of my mistress for my cock was gone. And he refused to work properly without it. At least not until Mistress Emma Herself granted him his release…

DAY 17

This morning, the color was ALMOST back to normal. It was still there slightly, but I felt it was a leftover effect from a mild bruising or a popped blood vessel. And I felt completely fine as well.

So we decided to pop the cage back on and to monitor it closely during the day. To see how the color evolves.  And luckily for me, over the course of the day, everything turned back to normal again.

We were back in the game. And it felt soooo right.

My cock definitely agreed with me. Because after 15 minutes in the cage, it started to strain against the cage again and attempted to have raging erections…  I had almost 24 fucking hours of freedom without a single erection, and now I'm barely locked back up, and it feels like he's trying to break the cage…

Mistress Emma's ownership is now complete, I would say. She literally owns my erections now…

___________________________________________________________________________

Today I'm leaving on a "weekend" (5 days) with friends. So the journal entries will probably be shorter as of now.

But during the day, Mistress Emma kept me company and messed with my head a little. Sending me teasing voice messages. For which I had to go to the bathroom to listen to them.

It was hot. Knowing I was out with friends and sneaking to the bathroom to hear from my Mistress.

In fact, over the coming days, I will keep my Bluetooth headphones with me. So I can just listen to Her messages without going to the bathroom. That would be so hot. Sitting at the table, listening to my Mistress in my ear, while trying to keep a straight face.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Fuck, there are plans to go to a strip club… And I am locked up in my cage.  This is so fucked up.

I told Mistress Emma immediately what the plans are. And to make sure She regularly asked for extra proof and that I would be greatly punished if I took the cage off during the evening. As I would probably be a bit drunk later this evening, I wouldn't be thinking straight.

Of course, Mistress Emma had so much fun with this. She knew how "hard" it was going to be for me. To think straight. To keep the cage on. To not do anything wrong.

But She also threatened me that the consequences would be véry severe if I betrayed Her.

So I promised Her that I would be strong. For Her.

______________________________________________________________________________

Fuck, I MADE IT!  I didn't do anything wrong!  Mistress Emma asked for proof in the middle of the evening, and luckily, I could provide it very quickly!  And now I'm going to bed. And I am still locked in the cage with the same numbered lock! Fuck yeah!

The things I do for my Mistress…  It's insane.

DAY 18

I'm extremely horny again today. I woke up with raging morning wood that just wouldn't go away.

My last orgasm was 4 days ago. And the "stupid" side of me is rearing its head again.

I actually sent Mistress Emma a message saying that I was feeling sad that I avoided the clause with the canes because of my successful challenge…  And asked Her that, even though we couldn't do any more challenges with the slubb in the coming days, if She could still find ways to mindfuck me. And to add new twisted things to the contract.

I also asked Mistress Emma not to let me back out of this request anymore when I regained my senses. The request was made, and if She agreed, any attempt to weasel out should invoke the "WEASEL" punishment.

I guess the horny, stupid side of me still has a minimum of intelligence… It makes sure that whatever stupid things it does, the sane version of me cannot back out anymore.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Of course, Mistress Emma gladly granted my request. So She added the unlocking fee to the contract.

200 hits with the cane on the cock & balls…

Fuck, I basically asked Her to include the canes again.

It's so fucking hot.

______________________________________________________________________________

It's evening now, and Mistress Emma gave me another type of challenge. Before I go to bed, I have to go through Her blog and find my favorite session story again. One of my own.  I had to read it, take my time, and try to relive that session in my head. While edging manually (no slub allowed).

And I had to give a report afterwards.

Fuck, that was so hot. Of course, I took the "Queen of Hell Unleashed" story. It comes closest to the punishment camp we're building and was also the first time I experienced the alligator clips on my cock & balls…  It was excruciating. And those were only 20 clips for about 20 minutes… The punishment camp is going to go way beyond that.

While reading the story, I also played Mistress Emma's voice message from the auditory challenge on Sunday on repeat.

I didn't need much to edge myself in this setting. Small tugs on the cage were enough to bring me to the edge multiple times.

Luckily, I managed to avoid an orgasm!  I really didn't want to cum this close to the milking session.  I really want to be milked completely dry by Mistress Emma.

DAY 19

I'M SO FUCKING HORNY!  5 days again without an orgasm.

I picked my room in the house strategically. It's located in the back.  So during the day, while my friends are on the terrace out front, I can sneak to my room for a short while to get a little edging in.

I even used the slubb a couple of times today.  I didn't switch the cages, but since I don't have to film it as it's not an official challenge, I can use both my hands to be careful and not damage the cage.

Fuck, this feels so good. I need to stop the slubb after 1 minute or less already. Or I'm going to explode.

I don't even know why I'm doing this. It only makes things worse.  But I can't stop myself.

The sane, rational side of me is gone at this point.  I'm back to the depraved & stupid version of myself.

DAY 20

Today, Mistress Emma messed with my head some more. It's so fucking amazing. How does She keep finding ways to mindfuck me?

Mistress Emma demanded I send proof. And as She knew I was just on a weekend with friends & would be mostly chilling (not at work, no meetings, …), the allowed timing of replying with proof had decreased drastically.

Unfortunately for me, I was just enjoying a nice long shower when Mistress Emma demanded proof.

So by the time I got out of the shower, I already had a second voice message from Her.

Mistress Emma said I was denying Her Her pleasure and did not obey Her quickly enough, so She invoked Her right to apply an extra punishment. 100 hits with the cane over my bare butt, cock & balls are to be added to the final sentence.

And if I didn't reply quickly with the requested proof, She would keep adding penalties… She was not in the mood to be patient.

She said: "Oh, this could escalate very quickly & very massively. So, my advice would be, the first chance you got to see and listen to the messages, comply immediately, or else the punishment camp might actually turn into a week's worth of torture."

Luckily, I managed to send proof before She sent me another voice message with another penalty.

It didn't matter that I was in the shower. Mistress Emma demanded that I be at Her beck & call today.

I had to keep an eye on my cellphone at all times, or the penalties would start increasing more & more.

_________________________________________________________________________________

It's evening now, and Mistress Emma really messed with my head today. Luckily, I managed to avoid any more punishments.  It did get me so stupid that I proposed to change the unlocking fee for the worse.  I proposed to also update it so the 200 hits with the cane would not only be for my cock & balls, but that Mistress Emma could freely distribute them between my bare butt, cock & balls as She pleases…  So again, I made it worse for myself.

Because after 1000 hits (or more, the sentence is not final yet) with the Emma paddle, my butt will already be a fucking raw & bloody mess. And now I willingly added cane strokes to that…

This experience is really next level. To get me in this state of mind, I am suggesting this myself.

But Mistress Emma had a final challenge for me before I went to bed.  I had to edge while reading the entire chastity contract again. And I needed to pay extra attention to the punishment log. And let it sink in deeper and deeper, how much punishment I have collected already. And this is the part I needed to edge the hardest to. To bring myself to the precipice of an orgasm, while thinking about all the punishment Mistress Emma would be giving me. So much torture that it would be impossible to execute in a single day, and a multiple-day punishment camp is needed.

This was the single most twisted challenge I had received from Mistress Emma so far.

I did it. And it was crazy. It was a true mindfuck.

Because I got so scared again, letting the total amount of punishment sink in, knowing the unlocking session would still add quite a lot to that. I actually asked Mistress Emma in a voice message if She thought I was ready for something like that.  I was actually shaking.  But at the same time, I was so fucking horny. Constantly at the edge of an orgasm, straining against the cage.  And the more scared I got, the hornier I got as well.  So I asked Mistress Emma to ensure I would not be allowed to weasel out of this in any way at a later point. Because I feel I will try. Once I get back to my rational self, I will try to negotiate with Mistress Emma and say that it has gone too far, that I can't handle this. And try to get out of it.

So now my stupid, depraved self has explicitly warned Mistress Emma of this danger and has explicitly asked Her to not to allow me to do so.  Again, my stupid self ensured there was no way out.

DAY 21

Today I woke up to a message from Mistress Emma, replying to my nightly report of the challenge.

"I just went through your messages, and I listened to them very carefully, and here comes My reply. I fully agree. What I've made you do and what I've put you through… It's literally everything that you put together, everything that you wanted, and then I promised you I would make it happen. I gave you the possibility to have everything you ever wanted. And then I have decided to take it a little bit further, and I have decided to force you to look long enough and hard enough into that. And then to let you know, well, S., that's what you wanted. That's what you gained. That's what you worked towards. And definitely, that's what you are going to have. Now, are you ready for that? Let me answer you this way. No one is ever going to be ready for THAT. If you ignore the emotion, if you simply take the list and read through it. And you see all the mandatory torture we are going to have. All the punishments we are going to enforce on you. If you just read all of that one by one by one by one. No one is ever going to read that list and think to themselves: 'Oh, I'm so ready for it. I wanna have it. If possible, I want to start and not stop the session until I've had it all.'

No sane person is going to think that. But still… that's what you have accumulated. And knowing me well enough, you must know that I will not split the session into a couple of months. I will not allow you to take part in it now, and keep a part of it for later. I will not allow you any wiggling out of it in any way. Sooo… Brace yourself."

That's it. That's confirmation. Stupid me has achieved its goal. There will be no weaseling out of this.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I'm home again. It's the last day. Tomorrow is the unlocking/milking session.  Where the final verdict will be determined.

Mistress Emma did judge the previous 2 challenges to be successful!  So that means I have 3 successful challenges and avoided both cane clauses!!!  Of course, Mistress Emma has already found other ways to include the canes anyway. And that's even without the unlocking session. But still… I'm happy!

It's so hard not to cum at this point, though. It's taking every drop of willpower I have to avoid an orgasm. It's almost happening spontaneously by now…

I even sent another idea to Mistress Emma for the milking session. When we're at the point where the vibrators don't work anymore because everything is desensitized from too many orgasms. Then, Mistress Emma should order me to jerk off myself. Under Her instructions and while looking at Her.

And that I would receive a very short timeframe to achieve an orgasm that way. If I didn't manage that, than She should feel insulted and should add another severe punishment to the final verdict.

That would be so twisted. That after X amount of orgasms, when I'm no longer horny, I would be forced to jerk myself off to completion to add extra hits to my own punishment. And if I don't try hard enough to achieve it in the short timeframe, extra punishment should be added.

You can see which state I'm in right now. It's 7 days without an orgasm now. The longest I ever went without, ever since I discovered masturbation.